Iain: It’s strange how you’d already learnt somehow that this is something that could be normal and there was no need to talk about it to someone else. I assumed it was something every kid went through and I didn’t find out until, I guess, I was in my thirties, when I found out that not everyone does that. So I never mentioned it to anyone, I assumed this was part of growing up. I never mentioned it to anyone because they would know that I was scared of it, and that probably wouldn’t have been a good thing. I didn’t realise there was anything to it, I thought it was something that all kids went through. So it was a scary thing, it was expansive, it was definitely a very, very large and big energy, but scary. Kevin: Yes, that was a theme, I would say for a few years, from about the age of five or six, that I had a longing, a thirst inside to know “What is this that I’m calling me?” and would just be playing and suddenly stop and just go, “Who’s playing? Who is this? Who’s doing this?” And would kind of stop and close my eyes, and go, “Well, it’s me.” Then the question would keep coming, “Well who is that, who is me?” and then some recognition, “if it’s me it can’t be anyone else, so it’s not my mum, it’s not my dad, it’s not the people around me, it’s not anyone else, it’s me!” And then still the same question, “Who is that? What is that? What is me?” And then just a sense of huge expansiveness as if the physical form was just dissolving and all awareness - like a whole universe of awareness - was like something taking off inside, and it scared me so much that I would just collapse back into apparent normality, and kind of just brush myself off, and get on with playing the game I was playing.
Iain: And then three or four years later, apparently you were playing in the back garden, when you had this question: “Who am I?” at that time just an inner joke, a sense of being cradled and a deep sense of wellbeing, yes. Kevin: That came later in life you know it wasn’t at that age. Iain: And yet so many kids of that age actually feel very insecure and threatened and not held, don’t they? Although obviously at that age I couldn’t describe what that was. It was an expansive feeling, it was a very light feeling, and it felt nourishing, it felt like there was something holding me, something nourishing me. Iain: So was it a good feeling, a relaxed feeling? Elliot, you know, to return home and to know it for the first time, it felt a little bit like that. Yes, I would walk into a yard that I’d never been to before, and just feel familiar, to know it, almost like T.S. Although I couldn’t tell you what that was, it was very present in those years for sure. As far as my memory goes back, 18 months, two and a half years of age, I was aware of some joke, I was aware of some familiarity, I was aware that something was taking place almost behind the curtains in life. Kevin, you were telling me earlier on the phone, at two years old you were aware of things that you felt you had no right to be aware of.
They’ve worked together for many years and run the organisation together, and we’re going to find out about Kevin’s life, he’s had a lot of fascinating insights and we’re going to find out how he has integrated those insights and changed his life and how he is now helping people in their own lives, when things come up, that are difficult to see and change and to absorb and move forward with. Iain: And Kevin has written a book called, Consciousness the New Currency, and he worked with Brandon Bays on ‘The Journey’. Iain: Hello, and welcome again to, I’m Iain McNay and my guest today is Kevin Billet.
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